ODT (Official drinking test)

Official drinking test

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.

1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.

2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.

3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.

4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.

5. What do you think of your strength? I am: (a) invincible; (b) stronger than anyone in the bar; (c) as strong as the average man; (d) a weak and pathetic being.

Question answer values

For every question answered with an A, add ten points.
For every question answered with a B, add five points.
For every question answered with a C, do not change the score.
For every question answered with a D, subtract five points.
For every question answered with an E, add one hundred points.

Results

For scores ranging from fifty to 135, congratulations. You're over and above the normal drunk. Generally, at least they are able to select a valid option. An e option does not even exist on this test. You should probably check yourself into a hospital for alcohol poisoning.

For scores ranging from thirty-five to fifty, you had ten too many beers. If you plan on driving home, make out a will first--that is, if you can even remember your own name. Lastly, don't even think about standing up.

For scores ranging from fifteen to thirty-five, you have had one too many beers. Don't drive unless you want a higher insurance rate. Standing up will probably result in injury.

For scores ranging from zero to fifteen, you may want to stop drinking now. You have probably had enough beers but don't drive unless you want a ticket. If you choose to ignore the tip to stop drinking, it is not a problem; you probably still have the ability to stand up.

For scores ranging from negative twenty-five to zero, you must just be getting started! I bet you don't even have one beer in you. In terms of driving, you are probably just getting out of the car and are walking to the bar this very moment.

once again funny jokes

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

kudikarargal jokes

 Funny Quotations About Drink

• Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink: Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
  Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it: Was Winston's reply.
• Work is the curse of the drinking class: Oscar Wilde.
• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading: Henny Youngman.
• He was a wise man who invented beer: Plato.
• He talked with more claret than clarity: Susan Ertz
• One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time: Nancy Astor
• Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy: Benjamin Franklin.
• You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on: Dean Martin.
• The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind : Humphrey Bogart.
• Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine: David Moulton.
• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer: Frank Zappa.
• Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut: Ernest Hemmingway.
• Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me: Winston Churchill.
• I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer: Homer Simpson
• I drink to make other people interesting: George Jean Nathan.
• The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism: Norman Brenner
• An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools: For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway.
• My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle:  Henny Youngman
• There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink: Booth Tarkington